Komm Susser Tod
by Shinkendo Girl Jubei
Summary: A song fic about how Harry deals with the death of Sirius, his Parents and Cedric. Including the lives he’s effected and what’s his place with Voldemort. Why he is, why he is and what he can do to change that.


Title: Komm Susser Tod   
Author: JubeiChan  
Rating: PG-14  
Warnings: Suicide, Depression, and Angest  
Spoilers: O.o the whole thing is a spoiler to the OoTP  
Feedback: would be great. But if you feel this isn't Harry in character try   
reading all the books over again, and see what he's been threw and how he   
acts at the end of OoTP  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Characters I'm using in this story.   
(though I wish I could...) neither the song.  
  
Komm Susser Tod; Come Sweet Death  
From End of Evangelion  
Music: Hideaki Anno  
English Translation: Mike WYZGOWSKI  
Composer/Arranger: Shiro SAGISU  
  
Summary: A song fic about how Harry deals with the death of Sirius, his   
Parents and Cedric. Including the lives he's effected and what's his place   
with Voldemort. Why he is why he is and what he can do to change that.  
  
(- _-)(-_-)(-_-)(- _-)(-_-)(-_-)(- _-)(-_-)(-_-)(- _-)(-_-)  
  
Sitting in the dingy attic of Grimmauld Place, The-Boy-Who-Lived, sat cross legged under the only window of the room. The room was poorly lit, but it felt good like that. That's what Harry Potter said to Remus Lupin. Harry had inherited the house from Sirius in his will, being his only living relative. Remus, appointed Harry's new guardian, decided to stay with him and make sure he did nothing risky. The werewolf was not stupid enough to not see how Harry's personality had changed since the 'incident', as he liked to call it, at the Ministry took place. Though, the young Gryffindor wasn't the only one effected... Remus had felt an empty place in his heart since then, he could never fully get over the loss but he'd have to move on. Just like with James and Lily.  
  
~*~  
I know, I know I've let you down  
I've been a fool to myself I thought  
I could live for no one else  
~*~  
  
  
Harry, on the other hand was not effected by just Sirius' death, but by everyone's he'd caused over the years. Starting with his parents, Cedric, and Sirius. And Merlin knows how many more have been tortured for information about him. Otherwise put to death because he's just been too young to go up against Voldemort thus far. Even if he had passed his mangy challenges. Even now, as the Gryffindor reflected on his memories, more of this could be happening. His life had only one purpose, to kill Voldemort. To kill Voldemort and save the halfbloods, muggles and anyone else who dare oppose TomRiddle and his Death Eaters.  
  
~*~  
But now through all the hurt and pain  
Its time for me to respect  
the ones you love  
mean more than anything  
~*~  
  
Harry, was utterly alone. No one knew what it was like to be The-Boy-Who-Lived. No one knew what it was like to be hunted down, have the people who were close to him in danger. 

Ron stuck to Harry through thick and through thin. That's how people on the outside world saw it. But in Potter's mind Ron would leave him in a second if he became famous   
enough. During his fourth year Ron had proven that. 

Hermione, she always helped Harry didn't she? _For the knowledge that she craved,_ concluded the Gryffindor. The summer before his fifth yea she had proven that... She was so happy to be at the house were the Order's meetings were taking place. Maybe, she'd get the information to feed her nosey little self. And Harry was positive, if their families were on the brink of death by the Dark Lord, if he said they'd have a choice of him to kill Harry - or their families. They'd pick family.  
  
~ * ~  
So with sadness in my heart  
I feel the best thing I could do  
is end it all  
and leave forever  
~* ~  
  
_Also if I had never shown magic, what would become of me? _Questioned that   
voice in his head Harry had learned to hate. But it was a question pestering him since Dumbledore had said he was the only one that would be able to kill Voldemort. That old fool. Dumbledore was using Harry as a pawn. A tool, to destroy the one thing he couldn't over come. _If I'd never shown magic, they would have left me in that horrid place for the rest of my life. Letting me rot there to my death._ Harry decided. the Gryffindor with the answer. _And what if I was just to disappear?_ _Or even... Die before I had a chance to get Voldemort on his knees and beg for his life?_ Queried the voice of the possibilities.

Nimble fingers twirled a dagger around in his hands as he though of the possibilities. A fine sharp blade with a polished wooden handle. It had been Sirius', the same one he   
used to slash the fat lady bag at Hogwarts. It was almost like a wand that could only bring death. Emerald green eyes widened in realization. The wand of death could bring death to those the user wanted it to bring to... or himself.  
  
~*~  
whats done is done, it feels so bad  
what once was happy now is sad  
I'll never love again  
my world is ending  
~*~  
  
This wasn't a new thing to Harry. He had thought about killing himself, to end the never ending pain in his gut. He'd even talked to Luna about it, she was the only one who wouldn't criticize him about it... And what she said stuck in his mind. "Well your a bit scrawny, about 120?" She had questioned, Harry had agreed. He was about 145, though it was close enough. "If you cut yourself... along this vein, and spill about a liter of blood." Explained the Ravenclaw, taking his right arm and showing him the vein he'd need to cut if he went through with it. "You'll slowly fall asleep, and never wake again." When asked, how she knew. She'd simply said: "I was the one who assisted my mother do it." Luna had said it wouldn't hurt... But now, even gone through two of the most unforgivable curses, losing the people he most cared about and adding it to others... He was sure it would be nothing.   
  
~*~  
I wish that I could turn back time  
cos now the guilt is all mine  
cant live without the trust from the ones you love.  
I know we can't forget the past  
you cant forget love and pride  
because of that its killing me inside  
~*~  
  
He'd be able to be with Sirius again.... Sirius and his parents. He would finally be happy. Not just The-Boy-Who-Lived just to make everyone else happy. He'd have his own happiness... But just what did make him happy? Family... Being with Sirius and Remus in this house. _They were my only family I really had left._ Thought the Gryffindor as a horrified look took him over. Remus' only friends he had ever had were dead. Dead because he lived. Merlin... _Remus must hate me... I killed what little happiness he had!_ Not only Remus, but Cedric's parents must have wished him dead rather then there son. He hadn't only ruined his life. But other's... and Remus, he would now act like his father figure. So if anything happened to threaten Harry's life... _He would die for me._

  
~*~  
It all returns to nothing,  
it all comes tumbling down, tumbling down, tumbling down,  
it all returns to nothing,  
I just keep letting me down, letting me down, letting me down,  
~*~  
  
Unsheathing the mirror-like blade, Harry looked at the sharp blade with interest. He hadn't seem anything more beautiful. Had he truly lost his mind? A blade beautiful? But it is. Look at those emerald eyes staring back at you. It's almost as if it's show who the next is to die. Letting the cool metal rest against his olive skin of his left wrist. A joyful feeling welled up in his chest. No, this wasn't joy. It was hope to see his family and Sirius again.   
  
~*~  
in my heart of hearts,  
I know that I called never love again  
I've lost everything  
everything  
that matters to me,  
matter in this world  
~*~  
  
"I'm coming..." Parts of the Gryffindors five years at Hogwarts flashed before him. His   
first crush, the bully of the school... People who had stuck up for him. But wasn't that only because in the end they'd expect him to save them? Only Snape has even admitted the famous name was only a fluke of a child. He was Just a normal teen. A normal stupid teen, like Snape had told him Constantly.

  
"We'll your right Sir..." Harry murmured to himself in reassurance. What is there to live for anymore? The people who wanted him alive only wanted him alive so he'd keep them alive. And he wasn't about to give Voldemort the satisfaction for killing him. No. He'd do it himself. How many people could actually say they chose there death? Oh yes he was a lucky boy. He got to chose his death and let the world deal on there own with the dark lord. After all. He was a angsty, a normal teenager with angst.  
  
~*~  
I wish that I could turn back time  
cos now the guilt is all mine  
cant live without the trust from the ones you love.  
I know we can't forget the past  
you cant forget love and pride  
because of that its killing me inside  
~*~  
  
This is it Potter, It's now or never. "I'm sorry Remus... Can't say I didn't try..." Emerald eyes squinted in concentration as the cold blade made a cut across that vein in his wrist. It felt... good. The warm life flowing out of him and into his lap. "I'm coming... Mum, Dad... Sirius. Please wait for me." Begged the teen as the wet tears welled up in his eyes. It felt wonderful, to feel his muscles relax with out the steady flow of blood in his left arm. Slowly creeping through his body. His soul had died with Sirius, but his body was just now catching up, that was the logic he found for the wonderful feeling of being released.  
  
~*~  
It all returns to nothing, it all comes  
tumbling down, tumbling down, tumbling down  
it all returns to nothing,  
I just keep letting me down, letting me down, letting me down  
It all returns to nothing,  
it all comes tumbling down, tumbling down, tumbling down  
it all returns to nothing,  
I just keep letting me down, letting me down, letting me down  
~*~  
  
Slowly the young Gryffindor's body slowly gave way, collapsing to the hard wooden floor with a thud. Slipping into unconsciousness, a deep sleep, all the boy could be heard whispering was "I'm sorry Remus... I'm coming Mum, Dad... Sirius." Hoarsely into the darkness. Stomping up the stairs the werewolf caretaker rushed himself into the moldy attic out of breath. Blood was thick in the air and he fear for the worst. "Merlin! Harry!" Cried out the man as he rushed to the boy's side, taking the cooking cloth in hand and holding it close to the wound. Blood infected his senses to the point of nausea, there was so much... on the floor, over his body. The whispers were dieing down   
and he was running out of time "Not like this you won't die Harry." Remus said as if it was common knowledge. "You'll grow old and gray" Picking up the boy's light body into his arms and pulling him close, he apparuited to the Wizard Hospital in hopes of saving the young man.

  
What he did was highly dangerous, moving from once place to another with one person was highly dangerous enough, but with two? It was suicide. But Harry needed help... the boy was highly more effected then the Order had first figured. A look of panic swept over the werewolf's face, looking down into the limp body that a cheery smile once lit up. The whispers had stopped with "I'm coming...." No more breaths were taken in after that last   
statement... Collapsing to the ground and holding the once life filled body Remus cried out for the soul he had failed once again "I'm sorry James... Lily... Sirius... I have failed you, no I have failed Harry..." Doctors and nurses rushed over in a blaze of furry to save the Famous Harry Potter's life... and there own.  
  
  
  
~ Sometimes the end of a journey is only the beginning.~


End file.
